Normalcy?

This week has been a standard week: go to class, take notes, take notes, take notes, play clarinet, go home, eat, read/laze about/homework/play with the puppy, sleep, wake up and do it all over again. I am so glad I have my car back! I love to drive, leave when I want, go as slow as I want, go the way I want, and follow other cars as far back as I want (sometimes buses scare me...they drive so close to the other cars on the road, I think it's a miracle that they aren't in more crashes!).

I have gone running a few times this week (indoors, on a treadmill. Outside the air is so full of guck that one almost has to trudge along the sidewalk, like through mud. Yucky). It always feels nice to run, well most of the time. The beginning is nice, finishing is nice, and the way you feel after is nice. The middle is just meh. I ran track and a little cross country in high school (never competed or anything, just worked out) with one of my best friends. Ah, we had some good times. We would sing our favorite band song of the day during workouts, frolic about the empty after-school halls, and have all sorts of fun while torturing our bodies with some of those evil workouts in 90-100's degree temperatures. -shiver-

When we would run to warm-up, stretch, and run to warm-up again I liked to run around those who carried on conversations with other people. I couldn't carry on a conversation for long, but it helped me to be able to listen to someone else's' instead of concentrating on simply running. I thought that I was just less "in shape" than those others because of lacking the ability to talk and jog at the same time. I was taking a P.E. class during that spring and consequently was running/working out the hour and a half during class in the mornings, and then the hour and a half of track workouts after school throughout the semester. This might make me sound super athletic, I do not think I deserve the title. Jogging wasn't, and still isn't, the easiest thing for me; my muscles fatigue, my lungs/chest feel tight or ache, I can't breathe adequately through my nose like I have always been advised to do (in through the nose, out through the mouth), and I often get a cough that lasts from a few hours to a couple days depending on how much I run and how cold the air is that I run in. Even by the end of the semester I couldn't hold a conversation whilst jogging. I thought that those who could were just that much more in shape than I was, and I thought that all of the aforementioned effects of running were normal, that everyone felt them like I did.

I have learned that one of my siblings has a mild asthma and it occurred to me that I might have the same thing. I read about asthma, but mostly read about severe asthma. Mild asthma has become a sort of side, short-term research project, but less formal. More like "Hey! That looks interesting, let's read it."

I was talking about it with some of my family and was told I should probably go see a doctor to see if I do have a mild form of asthma, but I am reluctant. I don't want to bother with a silly little thing when I am not suffering unduly from my symptoms and they don't really get in the way of my everyday life. I don't want to take up a doctor's time with such a little thing when they could be helping someone who needs it more than I do. I don't want to be a bother. I don't want to be a whiner. I don't want to be burdensome. For now I think I will keep running and listening while others do the conversing, and my favorite band song of the day plays in the back of my mind in time with my shoes.

My Car--She Lives!

Fantastic News!!! ....wait, let me start from the begining first. 'Tis a good place to start.

Alright, so I left you Tuesday (not yesterday, Thursday, or Wednesday...especially not Friday...yes I tried to type those in. My poor brain is stuck on today (meaning everyday this week) being Friday, silly brain) afternoon with my missing school due to my car refusing to start. Kept trying to fix it, etc.etc. (meaning I'd rather not talk about the rest of the evening...I was less than perky and bubbly)

Next morning (Wednesday) found me waking up and my wonderful mother and awesome neighbor coming to save the day! Awesome neighbor hooks up the jumper cable (my poor battery had apparently died overnight, probably due to my trying ALL day long the day before to get it to start) to my car and we try to jump start it. Nada. We are all frozen, but my awesome neighbor gets his tools out, removes the battery (so we can get a new one), and rushes off to work (he was probably late, he's awesome!). We get a new battery (after waiting for the local auto parts store to open) and another neighbor helps us put it into my car (it is quite a strange battery setup, but what do I know about cars? Not much.).

In the middle of all this it is still very cold (being just before the sunrise into soon after sunrise) and I would like to offer some advice. When it is quite chilly outside and your extremities are already numb, even if you are wearing a magical scarf (all scarves are magical in that they make you oh-so-much warmer!), don't hold your keys (or anything else metallic in nature) in your bare hands. It burns (or freezes, whichever you prefer, the line between is waifly thin). Ouch.

Back to new battery, one that is better for starting in cold weather. We stick her in and turn the key. "Grumblegrumblegrumblegrumble." Back to the sounds of yestermorning. Ah, but I much prefer the "grumblegrumble" to the "click." Much happier. My other awesome neighbor offers a suggestion, a god mechanic he knows. We call round, decide that the car will have to go in the next day due to lack of towing vehicles. Mom decides to drive me up to school so I won't have to miss another day, even though I had been acting not so perky and bubbly, even though my school is an hours drive away, even though Mom will end up missing a half day at work (and I half of my classes). Did I mention that my mom is wonderfully amazing and fantastic? Well, remind me to mention it for every second of the rest of my life.

I get to school drop off my instrument/music, and Mom drives me to the other side of campus to my class of the hour (only ten minutes late, too). I love my Mom. I go to my last two classes (of my four that day) and get a call from my brother asking if I need a ride home then he or my sister-in-law could pick me up after they get off work. I love my family. I end up getting my free bus pass (YAY for free things...well paid for in my tuition anyway) and riding the bus with a friend (who drives me the rest of the way home). I love my friends. (Another one of my friends had offered to pick me up in the morning if I needed a ride, too. I feel so loved.)

The next morning (Thursday...Hey! That's today!) my brother drives me to the bus stop on the way to work. Yay for bus stops! It was a bit chilly again, but I didn't have to wait long. On the bus I ended up sitting next to a really nice girl who answered all my silly questions about where the bus stopped and things. I love nice people. I got to school a few hours early so I sat by the band room (my third home) and read a book (and almost finished it), got flirted with by a cute little baby, got to sample a hand softener system, and generally lazed about until my classes. I got to my first class and was greeted and talked to by another classmate (yay for sneaking around the edges of my comforting shy bubble) who I happened to find out was in another of my classes, then who walks in but the sweet girl from the bus! Wow! Happy times and coincidences that don't happen by coincidence.

I finished up the rest of my classes and headed back to the bus stop to catch a bus home. A handful of people there turned into a crowd, then turned into just a couple of us as a few buses stopped before my bus came. One other girl was waiting for my same bus, we were silent most of the time as other buses came and took away the crowds that had gathered. She asked me if I knew where the gym on campus was. I told her as best I knew (I am not yet an expert on my campus). We made a little small talk, she told me about her having a hard time recently in life and explained to me some of her frustrations, discouragements, and heartache, and I asked questions and tried to give the best advice I could. She told me about how she wanted to just work off all her steam at the gym and how she didn't tell her roommates or even her boyfriend where she was, or where she was going. I worry for her.

Mostly I was just trying to be someone to listen. People need to have others who they can just pour out everything on, sometimes it works best if you know your listener well, other times it is best to have strangers as listeners. I tried my best to become a dry sponge for her to throw out her ill feelings and I can only hope that I took some of her hurt away. Her stop came, she got up. She said "Thanks for letting me vent to you." I said, "Anytime, I hope everything turns out okay for you." She got off, I don't think I will see her again, but I do truly hope everything works out for her. I hope I was enough to help her not be so depressed or discouraged, but I may never know. Maybe I was nothing to her, did nothing for her, wasn't empathetic enough for her, but I hope I was. I may never know, I can only hope.






***Back from the beginning!***


Fantastic news!! My mother phoned me last night to tell me that my car is working again! Her friend came over and tried, tried, and tried again to get it to start...Persistance wins! My car--she purred to life and runs beautifully again! Ah, my car. I am again so grateful for frozen automobie fluids (as opposed to something more serious and costly which I would have no chance of affording), my Mom, her friends, my neighbors, and my family for helping me to get along without and trying to help fix my car! I am so excited to be able to get it back (it is still at my home-home) over this weekend. I love the bus and public transportation, but sometimes I want to get home in the 20 minutes it takes to drive and not the hour and a half it takes to ride/walk, but only when I am really hungry. :) I need the exercise anyway, makes me feel good and not so lazy.

I hope you have had a wonderful day! Be safe and eat your toast! Thank someone for something and tell them you love them, for no reason. Smile at someone, at everyone--it makes the world, and you, happier. Especially since tomorrow is the REAL Friday of the week! (I will probably second guess myself all day since I have already had so many "Friday"s this week already) I am so excited! I loves you all!

-The Band Neeek

Frozen Cars

So, as you might have noticed much of the U.S. has had an ice cube put down it's back, and in it's gloves, and shoes...almost like an ice bath, or in some places an ice shower. It is cold outside, quite cold. And sunny. Ah, if only it would snow again, but alas the weather man tells me that a High Pressure is parked above us and is planning on staying a while. Now, this is all well and good seeing as I don't mind the cold too much, but my car seems to disagree.

This morning found me getting ready to head back up to school after a glorious long weekend; getting school books/notebooks/instruments gathered, getting dressed, re-curling a few pieces of hair (I hardly ever do anything more with my hair than wash it, let it dry, and ponytail/bun it...unless I get bored or "just feel like it"--the latter applied last night), feeding the animals, turning the ignition to my car... "grumblegrumblegrumble," says my car. "Uh-oh," says my me. I scrape off my frosty windows and try again. "grumblegrumbleGRUM-blegrumble," says my car. I head back inside and thaw my fingers (I am so grateful I have a warm house to come back inside to with warm running water!!).

I try again in a half hour, "GRUmblegrumblegrumble." Another half hour, "grumblegrumble." I look at the sun, now risen and spreading its mocking "warmth" and then to my car. Poor car. I eat some toast (doubles as comfort food and breakfast!). I have now missed my first two classes, but those I can be forgiven for missing. My last class is not so kind about absences, band. I am not worried though. I know that my car will warm up soon and try again, "grumbleGRumBLEgrumblegrumblegrumble." Always turning, almost catching, always missing. Each time my classical radio station chimes in its cello concerto, flute descant, or violin discussion as if to comfort the strains of my car and to pat it on the hood. I listen for a minute, watch my frozen breath fog up the windshield and turn the key again, "grumblegrumblegrumblegrumble."

I come back inside and write my band professor an e-mail, "Car is frozen, might not make it to class..."

The cats are happy that I haven't left them yet as they have all managed to sneak back inside. I am starting to think that my car would have liked to do the same, and feel sorry for it, the cold sun its only defroster. No drip-dripping from the icicles hanging off the house even though the sun is now directly overhead, perhaps the warmest part of the day and now missing half of band.

I pass the bathroom and spot the curling iron that I left out to cool and decide to put it away only to find that when I had switched it "off" I had actually only switched it to "low." I switch it off, really off this time, and pause a moment and wonder what might have happened if my car had started the first time and I had left with the iron still on and hot. I say a silent prayer of gratitude and know that there are guardian angels watching over me and my family. A day of missed classes can be made up so much easier than what might have been had I not missed them. I am grateful for slushy automobile fluids!

Happy First Week of the New Semester!

I made it through the first week of the new semester, YAY! Really, it wasn't too bad, in fact it was pretty stinkin' good! And now, whether you want it or not, I will proceed to tell you about it, because it makes me happy. Of the two threatened auditions (each for placement in different bands I am in) only one of them ended up being required, which is awesome seeing as auditions are far from my favorite thing in the world. Ironic seeing as band is up at the top of my favorite things list. Surely a band-hater wouldn't have soundtracks to their dreams, especially if said soundtrack included in-dream compositions, various band songs, and any other random song. I love it.

I got a reply from one of my local fire departments about possibly participating in a ride-along (which I have been wanting to do for some time to see whether wanting to be a Paramedic/Fire(wo)man is just a stage or something that I really want to do). That e-mail made my day, I am so excited! All I have to do now is call them back...I hate the phone. I love the freedom of time and editing abilities that writing allow. My thinking is slower on my feet and I often reflect to previous conversations I've had and fuss about things I should have rephrased or things I should/shouldn't have added. Perhaps I just need more practice getting out of my shy comfort-bubble and talking with people.

I attended a Health Fair over the past weekend with one of my best friends and, naturally, we had a blast! We got tons of anti-oxidant/energizing/health drink samples, lots of interesting information, a free (albeit short) massage, and entered into many drawings for fun prizes. By the end of the day we were on a healthy buzz of sorts and bouncing off the walls. I got a call earlier this week informing me that I had won one such drawing for two ski/snowboard passes. Awesome! Now I just need to get over my fear of going off the bunny hills... I have been on "real" runs, I just have a thing for the bunny hill. : ) Maybe some day I will grow out of it.

I have played in three Pep Band games, Basketball games for those of you more sport-watching oriented, in the past week. Pep Band is fun (although I have to admit Marching Band is more fun. Can't wait for Marching Band season!!). I get to play, I get to feel special by getting into sports functions with my instrument as a ticket, I get more band T-shirts, I get to play, I get to hang out with my band family, occasionally (like last weekend) I get really good half-off-of-real-tasty-Italian-fast-food coupons, and I get to play!

I have successfully avoided the on campus bookstore and only have one more book to track down and buy. Yay for finding cheaper used textbooks!

It snowed about six inches this past week! I love the snow. There is something about the way it makes everything so white, pure, and softens otherwise harsh edges. I love the way snowflakes fall so softly and gently. I love the taste. I love to be out shoveling the walks. I love having snowflakes stick to my hair and eyelashes. I love to be the first to walk/drive outside and see the flawless blanket of white over the world. I love the way the snow sets on the trees around walkways and roads weighing down overhanging branches. The snow just makes me happy.

Well, I think I have done enough rambling for now. (and I can't think of anything else of interest that I have done this week) Stay safe and have a happy day!

Welcome to My Cozy Little Niche

Hello there! You might be asking yourself who, where, or what I am, which is reasonable amount of curiosity, but due to my becoming increasingly wary of...well, many things, my secret identity will remain just that. Secret. Top Secret. If it makes you feel better you may think of me as a Super Hero whose anonymity is key to their survival as such. Or you may not. Either way is fine by me.

So, now you have been cold-heartedly rejected of all your previous queries you might be asking yourself why I am here, or how I got to be here. Or maybe you are asking yourself why and how you even got here in the first place. The former I could give some insight to, but, alas, the latter is left for you to explain to me. I am curious about you as well you know, so go ahead and leave a comment if you wish. As to why I might have spontaneously appeared out of thin net-space air, well, to be honest I was truly hoping in my sneaky appearance to, in a thin net-space air sort of way, jump out and scare the socks off of some unsuspecting person. But such things can be quite difficult in such a place. All well, I tried.

Now you are probably more lost than you had been before you even glanced towards my little space (whatever it might have been that urged you to glance my way), or perhaps you have already gotten sick of me and have left. That leaves me and...me. Hooray! A party! All "me's" invited! "Me"ercats, "Me"rcedes, "Me" kitties, "Me"...ahem. Back to "why am I here." I have decided to have this as an online (public) journal of sorts...where I ramble about school, work, play, random thoughts, and whatever else fits my whim at the time (whilst changing all names, places, and other identifying information so as to keep my Super Hero Mask intact.

Thank you for visiting. Please keep track of your outer appendages and loose change, children, minds, cheese, hair-pieces, and toasters. Enjoy your questings!